


Terms of Endearment

by Novocaine (NovocaineSugar)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Daddy Kink, Explicit Sexual Content, Filthy, Fluff, Future Fic, Humiliation, Humor, Innuendo, Lactation Kink, Light BDSM, M/M, Mates, Mating, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg, Nicknames, Omega Verse, Oral Sex, Pet Names, Praise Kink, Pregnancy Kink, Scent Kink, Size Kink, Smut, Textfic, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:02:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29572902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovocaineSugar/pseuds/Novocaine
Summary: KenmaYa’ll are wildAkaashiOh shush KenmaYou and Kuroo aren’t exactly saints eitherMr. breeding kinkShrimpyI—I’m with Kenma rn and he just dropped his controllerAnd now he’s blushingAnd he smells hornyKenmaShoyo stfuShirabuThis chat went from 0-100 real quick-The omegas create a group chat where they can exchange advice and thirst over their respective mates.Horny A/B/O AU Textfic
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 170
Kudos: 1301





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Lowkey laughed at my own terrible jokes. Dead inside lmao.

**_Suga_ ** _ has added Shoyo, Kenma, Noya, Oikawa, Akaashi, Yamaguchi, Atsumu, Suna, Tendou, and Shirabu to the chat _

**_Suga_ ** _ has renamed the chat to  _ **_KNOT JUNKIES_ **

**Suga**

Welcome everyone ❤️❤️

**Kenma**

Umm

**Oikawa**

Dhcheujs I’m dead lmao

**Shoyo**

I’m—

What is this?

**Atsumu**

I mean you didn’t have to call me out like that

But yeah

**Akaashi**

Wait Suga? This was you?

Ngl I expected this from Oikawa

**Noya**

^

**Yamaguchi**

^^

**Oikawa**

I’m literally not doing anything

Why am I being targeted

**Tendou**

Oh hush

You like being the center of attention

**Oikawa**

Again, why am I being targeted?

**Shirabu**

Anyways

Suga? 

Care to explain pls

**Suga**

Oh right!

If you haven’t noticed already,

Everyone in this group chat has 

something in common with one another

**Kenma**

We all derive some degree

of enjoyment from volleyball

**Suga**

Well there’s that.

Plus we’re all bound by a biological imperative

That determines whether or not we’re subservient

or dominant to our counterpart

**Atsumu**

That’s a convoluted way of saying we’re all omegas

But pls continue

**Suga**

Yes yes

I feel like we’re at a moment in our lives where we might need some guidance from other omegas in order to work through certain...issues w/ our significant others

So I made a gc so we can give each other advice and such

**Akaashi**

Have you and Daichi been having issues?

**Shoyo**

Oh no mama...

Are you alright?

**Noya**

DO I NEED TO HURT SOMEONE??

**Yamaguchi**

I can borrow my dad’s baseball bat

**Suga**

NO NO no

None of that

Daichi is amazing

It’s not that we’re having issues

It’s just...

Actually I wanna do something first to lighten the mood.

Everyone change your gc names to something your alpha calls you

**Shirabu**

Like a term of endearment?

**Suga**

Yepp!

I’ll go first

**_Suga_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_Mommy_ **

**Akaashi**

Well this took a turn

**Atsumu**

KINKY OML

**Oikawa**

No fair

Iwa-chan doesn’t have a pet name for me

Unless you count shittykawa

**Tendou**

nfjsjdkdosoeliel

I kinda feel sorry for u

But I don’t

**Oikawa**

You wanna go?

**Mommy**

No violence in the gc 

Now everyone go ahead and change your names

Also Mommy is not a sex thing

(At least not all the time)

Hinata you can go next

**Shoyo**

Okie!

**_Shoyo_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_Shrimpy_ **

**Yamaguchi**

Aww

It’s fitting

**Shrimpy**

I’m taking that as a compliment

**Yamaguchi**

Dw it is

**Atsumu**

Ooh me next

**_Atsumu_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_Tsum-Tsum_ **

**Shirabu**

Wait

Like the little plush toys?

**Tsum-Tsum**

Correct

**Suna**

That’s honestly really adorable

**Mommy**

OMG that’s so wholesome

**Oikawa**

Can’t relate

**Noya**

Mine’s kinda weird but I love it

**_Noya_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_Mini_ **

**Mommy**

I mean you are pretty bite sized

**Shrimpy**

Is there some context behind that?

**Mini**

That’s a story for another time

**Mommy**

Okay Oikawa did you think of one?

**Oikawa**

Well...it’s kinda dirty

**Tsum-Tsum**

What could be worse than mommy?

**Oikawa**

Oh you dont even know

**_Oikawa_ ** _ changed their name to  _ **My Little** **_Cumslut_ **

**Tendou**

I just choked

And not the fun kind

**Akaashi**

That’s a term of endearment?!

**Yamaguchi**

Where’s god when you need him

**Mommy**

Shield your eyes Hinata

You don’t need to see this

**My Little Cumslut**

Iwa-chan and I have a very healthy sex life

And yes, it is a term of endearment

**Tendou**

You have a humiliation kink?

I find that surprising

**Akaashi**

I would have expected the exact opposite

Maybe a praise kink or sum?

**Kenma**

Ya’ll are wild

**Akaashi**

Oh shush Kenma

You and Kuroo aren’t exactly saints either

Mr. breeding kink

**Shrimpy**

I—

I’m with Kenma rn and he just dropped his controller

And now he’s blushing

And he smells horny

**Kenma**

Shoyo stfu

**Shirabu**

This chat went from 0-100 real quick

**Mommy**

Okay Akaashi you go next

**Akaashi**

Aight

Prepare yourselves

Bokuto is anything but wholesome when it counts

**_Akaashi_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_Fleshlight_ **

**Kenma** ****

Horny ass

**Tendou**

JJDJDJEKSKAH 

WHAT IS LIFE?

**My Little Cumslut**

I thought mine was TV-MA

**Tendou**

Bitch this shit is R-Rated

**Suna**

I have blackmail material for dayss

**Shrimpy**

Mom I’m scared

**Mommy**

I’ve got you bun

We’ll collectively bleach our eyes after everyone changes their names

Kenma you’re up

**Kenma**

I dont wanna

**Fleshlight**

Don’t be a priss Kenma

Tell them what Kuroo-san likes to call you after hours

**Kenma**

It’s embarrassing 

**Mommy**

I’m sure it’s not that bad

**Kenma**

...Fine

**_Kenma_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_Kitten_ **

**Mommy**

Aww that’s not bad at all

That’s really adorable Kenma

**Yamaguchi**

And very predictable

**Fleshlight**

I didn’t mean that one Kenma

The other one

**Kitten**

Stop coming for me

I did nothing

**Shirabu**

Say...Akaashi you seem to be quite versed in Kenma’s sex life

**Fleshlight**

Ohh trust me I am

Right Kitten?

**Kitten**

I’m telling Bokuto-san that you’re bullying me

**Fleshlight**

Oh yeah 

But I’m not the one getting punished

**Mini**

There’s a story in their somewhere

And it’s probably not PG

**Mommy**

Who’s next?

**Yamaguchi**

I’ll go

**_Yamaguchi_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_Freckles_ **

**Shirabu**

That’s probably the most vanilla one out of all of them

**Freckles**

There’s nothing wrong with vanilla sex

**My Little Cumslut**

But once you add a kink in there there’s no going back

**Shrimpy**

Aint that the truth

**Mommy**

HINATA

**Shrimp**

I’m sorry to break it to you mom but I’m not exactly a paragon of innocence

You wanna hear about the time Kageyama bought a pair of fuzzy black handcuffs?

**Mommy**

I—

My heart

**Mini**

MOVING ON

**Freckles**

Not at Hinata using the word paragon

**Mommy**

Right?!

**Tendou**

I’m going next 

**_Tendou_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_Sweetness_ **

**My Little Cumslut**

I’m going to vomit

**Sweetness**

Ushijima’s soft and nurturing side is something you’ll never witness

**My Little Cumslut**

PRAISE THE LORD FOR THAT

**Sweetness**

He might seem vanilla, but the things he can do with that cock

He says making love instead of fucking

**My Little Cumslut**

I’d rather choke on cock and die than witness that beast having sex

**Mommy**

We are veering into a completely different direction

Shirabu, Suna

You guys should go

**Shirabu**

Ok!

**_Shirabu_ ** has changed their name to  **_Angel_ **

**Sweetness**

Huh so the guy does have a tender bone in his body

**Angel**

That’s not the only bone he has

**Tsum-Tsum**

Aren’t we just a hypersexual bunch

I blame politics

**Mommy**

Whoa nope 

No politics here

Not again

We have one more to go

Suna? 

**Suna**

Ahh yess

**_Suna_ ** _ has changed their name to  _ **_Sunarin_ **

**Tsum-Tsum**

Leave it to my brother to be completely artless

**Sunarin**

It’s either that or knotslut

Pick your poison

**Tsum-Tsum**

You know what

Nevermind

Carry on

**Sunarin**

Gladly

**Mommy**

Is that all of us?

**Fleshlight**

I believe so

**Mommy**

AWESOME

Didn’t that break the ice a little

Now we’re all a little closer

**Kitten**

I know things about you people 

that I didn’t even want to know

**My Little Cumslut**

^ @Sweetness

**Sweetness**

Suck my dick

**Fleshlight**

So Suga

What this thing about making a group chat for giving each other advice?

Are you okay?

**Shrimpy**

Oh yeah

Did something happen with Daichi?

**Mommy**

Oh yeah that

Well

I’m pregnant

* * *

**_Kuroo_ ** _ has added Bokuto, Iwaizumi, Daichi, Kageyama, Ushijima, Sakusa, Osamu, Tsukishima, Semi, and Asahi to the chat _

**_Kuroo_ ** _ has renamed the chat to  _ **Perpetual Simps**

**Bokuto**

Bro ❤️

**Kuroo**

Bro ❤️

**Bokuto**

Bro ❤️❤️

**Iwaizumi**

Get a damn room

**Kageyama**

What’s happening rn

**Osamu**

Why am I here?

**Tsukishima**

^

**Ushijima**

I am at an AA meeting. Please do not disturb me.

**Asahi**

Ushijima, you’re at an alcoholics anonymous meeting?

**Bokuto**

It’s always the quiet ones

**Semi**

Nahh AA stands for Agricultural Aficionados

It’s kinda like reddit but for farming

**Kuroo**

Lmao okay

Ya learn something new everyday

**Ushijima**

Yes, I quite like the people here. We share a similar interest in harvestry.

**Tsukishima**

Oh he’s definitely a simp alright

**Bokuto**

Savage 

**Ushijima**

Pardon?

Would you like to join AA?

We are always looking for some new recruits.

What is this “simp”?

Should I do the Google?

**Daichi**

Oh you poor thing

**Kuroo**

ndkdkssjx

IM ASCENDING

**Sakusa**

What is this?

Why am I here?

**Kuroo**

Oh yeah

I forgot

I brought you guys here for a reason

**Iwaizumi**

Oh?

Where’re the rest of us?

**Asahi**

Yeah where are the omegas?

**Kuroo**

That’s exactly it.

Kenma brought up a really good point a while ago. 

Apparently, I’m too clingy and I need to find some friends

**Tsukishima**

Lmao

**Bokuto**

**🥺🥺**

I’m sorry bby

I’ll be ur friend

**Kuroo**

So I figured I’d make a safe space for all of us alphas to come together and express our emotions and/or frustration and weirdness

**Sakusa**

Sounds fake but okay

**Osamu**

What’s this really about Kuroo-san?

**Kuroo**

Umm

Well

Fuck

Nobody be alarmed

But I heard the omegas in a group call earlier and apparently someone is pregnant

And now I’m panicking

**Bokuto**

Wait? Do you know who?

**Iwaizumi**

Jfc

**Asahi**

Babies?!

**Kageyama**

But we always use protection

If we remember

**Daichi**

Kageyama wtf?!

**Tsukishima**

I’m listening

**Sakusa**

Well I wasn’t expecting that at all

**Semi**

Who do you think it is?

**Osamu**

My money’s on Atsu

**Sakusa**

Please don’t

I don’t need two of him running around the house

**Ushijima**

Someone is pregnant?

That’s lovely! Who is the lucky father?

**Kuroo**

Well that’s the thing

They saw me lurking and they stopped talking like I caught them watching porn or sum

Idk who it is or if anyone is actually pregnant

But istg I heard someone say they were pregnant

**Iwaizumi**

I’m getting to the bottom of this rn

**Daichi**

Ditto

**Kuroo**

Wait don’t do anything yet!

If they are pregnant I want them to come to us.

I don’t want them to feel confronted.

They were obviously trying to keep it a secret earlier so I don’t want them to think we don’t trust them

**Bokuto**

Bro

I’m touched

**Tsukishima**

Simp

**Kageyama**

So we’re just supposed to wait until they drop the bomb on us

**Asahi**

Well naturally.

Isn’t that what usually happens?

I say let it happen organically and wait for them to tell us

**Iwaizumi**

Well not me

This is going to drive me insane

**Semi**

Why would any of them keep it a secret though?

**Daichi**

Fair point. 

That’s true

What if something’s wrong

**Bokuto**

Quit being such a dad daichi

I’m sure everything is fine

**Daichi**

Srsly

You really had to drop that word didn’t ya

**Bokuto**

Oh right sorry hehe

**Ushijima**

So the pregnancy is inconclusive?

**Tsukishima**

I bet it’s Oikawa

**Iwaizumi**

I just shuddered

**Bokuto**

Nah it’s probably Kenma

They’re a bunch of horndogs

**Kuroo**

You think so?

Babies!?

Omg a pregnant Kenma would be the cutest thing

**Sakusa**

That’s settled then

**Kageyama**

Wow children

I didn’t think I’d be having this conversation 

so soon

**Bokuto**

Kids are cute!

I would be down

**Sakusa**

I’m never raw-dogging it again

**Osamu**

TMI

**Semi**

Not a big fan of kids Sakusa?

**Sakusa**

No that’s not it

I’m just worried they’ll inherit my crazy

**Asahi**

Aww

**Tsukishima**

You’ve been awfully quiet there Daichi

Something you need to tell us

**Kageyama**

**👀👀**

I see u captain

**Daichi**

Now that I think about it

Suga’s been pretty nauseous lately

**Kuroo**

Oof

Yeah and Kenma’s scent has gotten sweeter

**Bokuto**

Ohoho so baby x2

**Iwaizumi**

I’m gonna go take a nap and hope this was a fever dream

**Tsukishima**

You’ve been spending too much time around your mate drama queen

**Iwaizumi is offline**

**Ushijima**

Would anyone want some blueberry scones?

The AA coordinators gave me an entire box.

**Kageyama**

Omw

**Semi**

You’re strangely cavelier about this Ushiwaka

**Ushijima**

About the scones?

**Tsukishima**

Oh the way I sighed

**Asahi**

About the pregnancy

**Ushijima**

Oh there is a pregnancy? 

**Daichi**

Sometimes I feel like you’re messing with us

**Kuroo**

Do you think Tendou could be pregnant?

**Ushijima**

Possibly.

We do enjoy making love without contraception.

Me in particular.

Did he say he was pregnant?

**Osamu**

I gagged on nothing

**Kuroo**

Has everyone in this chat been irresponsible?

**Daichi**

Tsukki’s pretty vanilla

**Tsukishima**

Nah I’m still in the red

**Kuroo**

Asahi?

**Asahi**

I’m in the red too

**Iwaizumi is online**

**Iwaizumi**

I literally cannot sleep

All I can see is a bunch of miniature oikawas

I should’ve worn a condom

**Bokuto**

Welp

I guess we are potential fathers guys

**Kageyama**

Oh shit

**Osamu**

Pregnancy is kinda hot ngl

**Kuroo**

Mhm

**Asahi**

It kinda is

**Bokuto**

I heard omegas get clingier throughout pregnancy

**Semi**

And hornier

**Sakusa**

Ya’ll need to get some religion

Or a hobby

**Ushijima**

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing.

I am currently caring for a pregnant cow.

**Daichi**

Oh to see the world like Ushijima

**Kageyama**

I’m here

**Asahi**

Where?

**Kageyama**

Ushijima and Tendou’s place

For the scones

**Ushijima**

I am on my way to my car now. 

I will be home in a few minutes.

**Kageyama**

Uhh Ushijima

There’s a very large dog taking a shit on your lawn

Oh and it’s pissing too

**Ushijima**

Fish!

That damn mutt.

It’s my neighbor’s dog.

I’ll be home in a moment. Please be patient.

And please do not provoke the dog, it has rabies.

**Tsukishima**

Who needs cable when we have this?

**Daichi**

Someone named their dog Fish?

**Osamu**

Atsumu named our pet turtle Cat 

**Iwaizumi**

I need therapy

**Kuroo**

I think we all do

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing Ushi’s character, we share the same brain. Also peep slutty Kenma he’s my bby

**KNOT JUNKIES**

**_Mommy_ **

_Oh yeah that_

_Well_

_I’m pregnant_

**Shrimpy**

OML

I’m going to be a brother?!

**Fleshlight**

Honestly I was expecting Oikawa to be the first one to get accidentally knocked up

**Sweetness**

I second that

**My Little Cumslut**

Excuse you

I don’t appreciate being slut shamed

But ngl I thought it’d be me as well

**Angel**

Omg Suga you’re gonna be a mommy

I’m so thrilled for you!

**Noya**

Congrats Sugamama

You’re finally living up to your name

**Fleshlight**

I’m very happy for you Koushi-san!

**Kitten**

What did you need advice on?

**Tsum-Tsum**

I’m guessing you haven’t told Daichi?

**Mommy**

Pretty much yeah

Tbh we’ve never even really sat down and talked about having kids

I’m not even sure we’re even on the same page.

I’m afraid that I’m going to catch him off guard and something bad is going to happen

**Sweetness**

But you guys joke about being parents all the time

It’s literally your branding

**Mommy**

But that’s just it

We’ve only joked about kids

But we’ve never had a real conversation

**Fleshlight**

I don’t think any of us have

Bokuto and I surely haven’t

**Kitten**

I mean Kuroo and I have

But mostly in passing

He’s really good with kids and all

**Fleshlight**

And by passing you mean sex

Why aren’t _you_ pregnant Kenma?

Strange, considering Kuroo and his pregnancy kink

**Kitten**

You have no room to talk

If I hear you call Bokuto “master” one more time I’m deleting myself

**Freckles**

Damn

And I’m here living my best vanilla sex life

**Angel**

Anyway Suga

Daichi is head over balls in love with you

He’s going to be so happy!

**My Little Cumslut**

If I could live vicariously through someone else’s relationship, it’d be yours @Mommy

**Mini**

Is there any reason why Daichi wouldn’t be happy with the news?

**Mommy**

I guess not

But he’s in a really good place with his career and I just renewed my teaching contract 

I just don’t want to mess anything up for him, ya know

Don’t get me wrong, I love this baby already

It’s the best day of my life

But I’m so fucking anxious

**Shrimpy**

Noo Suga-san

Everything’s going to be alright!

This is a really good thing

You have nothing to be afraid of

**Freckles**

You’ll never really know how he feels unless you sit down and have a conversation

**Mommy**

Yeah that’s true

That’s the right thing to do

I’m gonna tell him tonight

**Tsum-Tsum**

How long ago did you find out?

**Mommy**

I’ve been feeling hella tired and nauseous lately so I bought some tests this morning

I took three and they all came out positive

**Angel**

OMG I’m so excited 

You’re giving me baby fever I can’t

**Shrimpy**

Tbh me too

**My Little Cumslut**

Ugh I hate to admit it but the idea of a kid is starting to sound appealing to me

**Tsum-Tsum**

Baby fever is a contagion

And no one is safe

I wonder if I can convince Omi-kun to 

fuck a baby into me

**Mini**

Jsijqkdhxu

What an image

**Sweetness**

Planning on getting my back destroyed tonight

**Fleshlight**

Fuck meditation

I’m getting myself some babies

**Angel**

If I’m limping tomorrow ya’ll know why

**Mommy**

You guys need to pump them brakes or every single one of us will be knocked up by morning

**Kitten**

I—

This is not good for my health

**Fleshlight**

Getting turned on Kitten?

**Kitten**

Back off meanie

I don’t appreciate being kink-shamed

**My Little Cumslut**

Doesn’t feel too pleasant does it?

**Mommy**

Alright I feel like we’ve established that Kenma has a breeding kink and all the talk about the babies is making him uncomfortable or horny

Or both

Leave the kit alone

Let him enjoy what he likes

**Shrimpy**

Ooh trust me he’s horny alright

Homeboy won’t stop squirming and the room smells like candy

Only a matter of time until Kuroo catches on and traumatizes me

**Angel**

Aww then we’ll have two babies!

**Sweetness**

Honestly if Kuroo’s anything like Ushijima, I’d have a lot of trouble trying not to get pregnant

**Kitten is offline**

**Shrimpy**

There goes Kenma

Oh Kuroo’s here too

I’m being told to leave

Yep 

I wouldn't try to contact them for a while

**Fleshlight**

Horny ass

**My Little Cumslut**

I sense a level of animosity between you two

**Fleshlight**

Oh it’s completely harmless

He knows I’m only playing

**Tsum-Tsum**

How do you even know so much about his sex life?

**Fleshlight**

Well our mates are best friends so I hear everything

And we also had a foursome this one time

I’ve seen things

**Mini**

He says in complete nonchalance 

**Angel**

You sound a little too invested after having only done it once

You sure about that?

**Fleshlight**

Okay maybe like four times

But we’re a kinky bunch okay 

Boundaries are hard

**My Little Cumslut**

Y'all taking recruits?

**Mommy**

OKAYY ENOUGH OF THAT

LONG STORY SHORT

I’m pregnant and my mate doesn’t know so I’m telling him tonight

**Freckles**

Best of luck to you

**Tsum-Tsum**

May your night end with plenty of orgasms

**Mini**

If he reacts in any fashion other than joy then I’ll be prepared with my fists

**Shrimpy**

Oh I completely forgot to mention something

About the group call earlier

Oops

**Mommy**

Hinata?

What did you do?

**Shrimpy**

Well there’s a slight possibility that Kuroo-san may have heard you say you’re pregnant?

**Mommy**

I’m gonna faint

**My Little Cumslut**

What are the chances that he recognized it was you

For all he knows it could be any of us

**Sunarin**

Oh definitely!

Samu’s been texting me this entire time and apparently Kuroo made an entire group chat letting everyone know that he overheard someone say they were pregnant

And they’re all panicking 

**Mommy**

And you didn’t bother mentioning this earlier?!

**Sunarin**

You guys were entertaining

Also, I was collecting blackmail material

**Fleshlight**

I should probably clear things up

**Angel**

Yeah I should too

**My Little Cumslut**

WAIT

WE CAN WORK WITH THIS

Suna what have they been talking about?

**Sunarin**

Uhh lets see

Alcoholics Anonymous

Cows

Scones

Pregnancy

Simping 

Iwaizumi having a stroke

And a dog named Fish

Not necessarily in that order

**Freckles**

Am I high rn or did I just read that incorrectly

**Sunarin**

Also

Apparently the alphas aren’t immune to baby fever either

They’ve really been going through it

A lot of them think it’s sexy

Some of them are a little iffy

If you filter out the nonsense

They’re mostly just confused

**My Little Cumslut**

WHAT IF WE KEEP THE MYSTERY GOING?

**Sweetness**

We’ll drive them insane

**My Little Cumslut**

But imagine being pampered

And all the affection if they think we’re pregnant

**Fleshlight**

You mean lie?

**My Little Cumslut**

Not lie

But if none of them have bothered to ask about it so far then chances are they’re waiting for us to tell them

They’ll have no choice but to treat us like royalty until we tell them about the situation

It’s brilliant

**Mommy**

Well I still have to tell Daichi I’m actually pregnant

**My Little Cumslut**

But after you do just tell him not to tell the others

Let’s see how far we can stretch this

**Angel**

I’m intrigued

**Mini**

So am I

Imagine the power

**Sweetness**

Sounds like a recipe for disaster

**Sunarin**

Isn’t that what we all want?

**Fleshlight**

The idea is very appealing but the consequences are unforeseen

**Tsum-Tsum**

I like it

From what I can tell, it can end in two different ways:

  1. We get treated like princesses by our simps for mates and we dance off into the sunset or something equally nauseating like that
  2. Our alphas get mad at us and we get no sex for like a month



**Shrimpy**

Like they can last a month

A week max

**Mini**

I wouldn’t give them that much credit

**My Little Cumslut**

Are y'all in or what??

**Mommy**

Well I for obvs reasons cannot participate but you do you boo

**Fleshlight**

I’m in

**Shrimpy**

Me as well

**Tsum-Tsum**

Count me the fuck in

**Freckles**

Yes please

**Angel**

I’m going to have a field day with this

**Sunarin**

Well I already told Samu I’m not pregnant so

**My Little Cumslut**

Just tell him not to ruin the joke please

**Sunarin**

Already did

**Mini**

I feel bad for Asahi’s heart but I’m in

**Sweetness**

I still think this is a bad idea but I’ll do it

**Tsum-Tsum**

What about Kenma?

**Fleshlight**

Chances are he’s already pregnant as we speak

Let’s ask him

@Kitten

**Mommy**

@Kitten

**Shrimpy**

@Kitten

**My Little Cumslut**

@Kitten

**Kitten is online**

**Kitten**

I’m bus y

**Fleshlight**

Oh trust me we know

**Mommy**

Wait

You’re not doing it rn are you?

**Kitten**

Dio you wantr the honesg answer or the p g answerk?

**My Little Cumslut**

I think we already know based on the nature of your text

**Kitten**

Ugh brb

Gotta finish sm real qui

**Kitten is offline**

**Mommy**

I’m—done with this gc

I regret my life choices

**Tsum-Tsum**

Life is weird

I often wonder what my purpose is

Is it volleyball? Sex?

**Sweetness**

Think about this

At this very exact moment

Kenma is getting his ass pounded and we’re being existential

**Fleshlight**

How did I end up here?

Have I been that immoral to warrant such punishment? 

**Kitten is online**

**Kitten**

I’m back 

What y'all want from me?

Make it quick I’m sleepy

**My Little Cumslut**

Ur mate told the other alphas that he overheard one of us say we’re pregnant

We wanna ride the momentum and see if they’ll treat us like royalty

You in?

**Kitten**

Tbh chances are I’m already pregnant rn

And even if I did join

I don’t think I’m gonna notice much of a change in Kuroo

Have you met him?

**Fleshlight**

Fair point

But just in case

Are you in?

**Kitten**

Sure, yeah whatever

I gtg night guys

**Mommy**

It’s 5:30 in the afternoon

**Kitten**

I work weird hours

Bye

Oh and congratulations on the pregnancy btw

I’m excited for you

**Kitten is offline**

**Angel**

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Kenma use so many words

**Fleshlight**

Oh you should hear him in bed

Homeboy can write a novel

**Mommy**

You know what—

I think we’re done for the day

Thank you everyone for coming and for the support

I’ll let you know what happens

**My Little Cumslut**

Remember the joke guys

Don’t ruin it

**Tsum-Tsum**

Happy orgasming

**Mini**

Congratulations Suga-san!!

* * *

**  
Perpetual Simps**

**Bokuto**

We should start a bet

**Sakusa**

On?

**Bokuto**

On who the baby daddy is

Winner gets a cute baby in 9 months

**Tsukishima**

Not enough stakes

**Asahi**

You get a whole entire baby!

**Bokuto**

Wager anyone?

I vote Kuroo

**Ushijima**

We’re voting on whose most likely to be the father?

**Bokuto**

Si papi

**Ushijima**

I’m sorry I do not speak Latin.

**Bokuto**

But that wasn’t even

**Semi**

I wouldn’t even try

**Sakusa**

I vote Iwaizumi

**Iwaizumi**

Do you not have any sympathy for me at all?!

Fine then I vote Sakusa

**Tsukishima**

My money’s also on Iwaizumi

**Iwaizumi**

Die in hell

**Daichi**

I vote Bokuto

**Bokuto**

Why’s that?

**Daichi**

Remember North Tokyo?

**Bokuto**

Ohh

Yeah

But that also means it could be Suga

**Osamu**

I need some context here

**Daichi**

We visited this fertility temple about a year ago with Suga and Akaashi

**Semi**

Ahh

Well your chances just went through the roof

**Kageyama**

I vote myself

**Bokuto**

Bruh

You’re too young to have baby fever my boi

**Sakusa**

Tell that to Kuroo

**Asahi**

Speaking of him

Is he not back yet?

**Ushijima**

Where did he go?

**Bokuto**

He went to go break poor Kenma’s back

**Ushijima**

That is atrocious! I’m going to see him right now. You do not harm your mate!

**Semi**

Ushijima

it’s figurative language

He means they’re having torrid, unrelenting intercourse

**Ushijima**

Oh, my mistake.

I’m sorry for raising my voice. 

**Bokuto**

MOVING ON

Ushijima who’s your vote?

**Ushijima**

I vote for myself. 

I would like to have a child. 

I would mentor them in the joys of volleyball and agriculture.

**Tsukishima**

As if we need more of those

**Semi**

Eh I vote for Iwaizumi

**Asahi**

I also vote for Iwaizumi

Sorry dude

**Iwaizumi**

Just because you say it doesn’t make it true

**Osamu**

I doubt it’s me

My brother on the other hand is a menace so 

I vote Sakusa

**Sakusa**

Seriously

You really want another Tsumu running around?

**Osamu**

You’ll be dealing with them not me

**Bokuto**

Aight Imma tally up the scores

Bokuto - 1

Kuroo - 1

Ushijima - 1

Iwaizumi - 4

Sakusa - 2

Kageyama - 1

Daichi - 0

Asahi - 0

Osamu - 0

Semi - 0

Tsukishima - 0

Oh we need one more from Kuroo

**Tsukishima**

He’ll probably vote for himself

Horny ass

**Bokuto**

@Kuroo

**Asahi**

@Kuroo

**Semi**

@Kuroo

**Kuroo is online**

**Kuroo**

What’s up y'all?

**Bokuto**

You done?

**Kuroo**

Kinda

**Daichi**

Kinda?

**Kuroo**

We’re “done”

But I’m still ya know

Attached

**Sakusa**

TMI

**Osamu**

Wait you can knot outside of rut?

**Kuroo**

Yeah

Cant you?

**Osamu**

No

Wtf?

Am I broken

**Iwaizumi**

Ahh that’s normal

It happens spontaneously

It’s kinda like squirting

Theoretically every omega can do it

But they typically need a push to get there

**Bokuto**

Well now we know what you get up to

**Kuroo**

So

I was summoned because?

**Bokuto**

We’re placing bets on who might be the father

So far Iwaizumi is the heavy favorite of winning

**Iwaizumi**

This is the only prize I don’t want

**Kuroo**

Ahh

In that case I vote myself

Considering I’m literally knotted to him rn

It’ll be hard to believe he isn’t pregnant

**Tsukishima**

Told ya

**Kageyama**

I don’t quite know how I feel about talking to you while you’re still attached to your mate

**Sakusa**

Feels kinda gross ngl

**Ushijima**

Sex is normal and healthy.

**Asahi**

But we still need to have boundaries

**Bokuto**

I think we stopped having boundaries the moment this gc got birthed into existence

**Kuroo**

Birth

lmao

You really went there

Well I really have to go

Got some cuddles to donate

**Kuroo is offline**

**Tsukishima**

Is there an ultimate form of simp?

**Daichi**

I think it’s called “whipped”

**Sakusa**

I think at this point it’s called “obsessed”

**Asahi**

I think it’s cute

It’s more like “unconditionally in love”

**Semi**

Of course you’d say that

You’re a 12 yr old girl in the body of a hot truck driver

**Bokuto**

Cant tell if that’s a blow or a compliment

**Osamu**

Bro now I can’t stop thinking about knotting outside of rut

What’s wrong with me?

**Asahi**

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you

It just hasn’t happened yet

**Ushijima**

There was a time when I believed I could only knot during a rut. 

I believe Tendou gave me viagra when it first occurred.

**Bokuto**

Does that actually work?

**Ushijima**

Yes, quite effectively.

Although it was irritating in the long run.

It felt like carrying a third leg around which was both unpleasant and alienesque. 

Tendou was very supportive by providing some relief.

**Daichi**

You know

Ushijima can be pretty eloquent

There’s just some gaps here and there 

**Tsukishima**

How does someone like him manage to pull anyone

**Sakusa**

The same reason why Oikawa managed to pull a mate.

Their insufferable personalities are cancelled out by some positive attribute that makes them desirable

**Iwaizumi**

Hey take that back!

Oikawa manages to shave years off my life just by existing but I wouldn’t have mated with him if I didn’t love him.

**Asahi**

Omg how precious is that

**Daichi**

Asahi

Your 12 year old girl is showing

**Bokuto**

I’m telling Oikawa

**Iwaizumi**

Try anything and Akaashi will have to plan a funeral

**Bokuto**

Jokes on u bud

He’s been planning one since we first met

**Sakusa**

It’s a whole phenomenon

Obvs Tendou sees something in Ushijima

Enough to be with him

**Ushijima**

I can attest to that.

I am very lucky to have Tendou in my life.

**Osamu**

I think that’s the case for all of us @Sakusa

Our mates just tolerate us and we just hope they don’t dump our sorry asses

**Daichi**

Yeah sounds about right

Well maybe except for Iwaizumi’s case

It’s the opposite for him

Sorry dude

**Iwaizumi**

Nah I’m secure

**Kageyama**

Guys

Umm 

I’m still at Ushiwaka’s house

I was trying to find the restroom

And I just walked into a storage room full of yarn

**Ushijima**

Oh! You found my craft room.

The restroom is across the hall.

**Bokuto**

Why do you have a craft room? 

**Ushijima**

For my knitting.

I make garments and sell them on Etsy.

**Asahi**

WAIT Ushijima you knit?

You should join my facebook group

We exchange patterns and tips all the time

**Ushijima**

Yes!

I take it that you knit as well?

**Asahi**

I love it

It’s calming

But I mostly crochet tho

I like to make tiny plush toys 

**Ushijima**

It is always refreshing to meet another knitter.

It is a dying art after all.

**Semi**

What 

The fuck

Is happening 

**Sakusa**

Wait

What’s this facebook group called

**Bokuto**

You too Sakusa?

**Sakusa**

What

Knitting is meditative.

It calms me.

Helps with my coordination and dexterity.

**Bokuto**

REALLY??!

**Asahi**

@Sakusa It’s called Ace Knitters

I’ll invite you and Ushijima

**Osamu**

Our conversations would make a great sitcom

**Tsukishima**

That sitcom would get cancelled as quick as Kuroo gets horny from looking at Kenma

**Iwaizumi**

Well while y’all were chatting up about knitting

I was busy having an internal crisis about this pregnancy shit

**Daichi**

Oh I forgot about that

Good luck to you dude

**Sakusa**

^

**Osamu**

^^

**Asahi**

^^^

**Iwaizumi**

Y'all suck my fat cock

**Bokuto**

Sorry bro

Only with Akaashi’s permission

**Sakusa**

The cock that got Oikawa knocked up?

**Iwaizumi**

**🖕🖕**

  
**Daichi**  
@Sakusa

You know

For someone who’s obsessed with being clean you have a dirty mouth


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I use “y'all” too much guys sorry I’m from the south. Prepare for more thirst. This chapter contains more nsfw language, as expected. 
> 
> ***Also Thank you for the comments and the love. I wanna respond to all of you but outside of writing this fic I’m super busy. I apologize.

**KNOT JUNKIES**

**Mommy**

I HAVE NEWS

**My Little Cumslut**

Let me guess

You told Dachi and he was so happy that if you weren’t pregnant then you’d definitely be pregnant now?

**Mommy**

Precisely

Idk why I even doubted him 

Probably the beginning of maternal paranoia ig

Also my ass hurts and I really want some ice cream but Daichi just left for work and I don’t really wanna get up cuz I’m SORE AF

**Angel**

I’m very happy for you Koushi-san!

Also

It’s literally 9 in the morning, it’s too early for ice cream

**Shrimpy**

WHA

YOU TAKE THAT BACK

Ice cream is a perfectly valid food item and deserves a place in every balanced meal

**Sweetness**

What, is there a designated ice-cream eating time period now? @Angel

**Fleshlight**

Y'all are athletes

I thought you’d know better than to put poison in your bodies

**Kitten**

You let Bokuto inside your body, you don’t get to talk

**Mini**

Oh shit

**Tsum-Tsum**

Bitch he didn’t even hesitate

**Shrimpy**

Uhh

Wow Kenma I didn’t think you had it in you

**My Little Cumslut**

Do I sense a catfight?

**Freckles**

Who do you think would win?

**Fleshlight**

No, no

None of that

I’m the bigger person here

I see you Kenma

You surely didn’t think he was poison when he was balls deep inside of you

**Mommy**

Whoa whoa whoa

Hol up

YOU LET BOKUTO FUCK KENMA?

**Fleshlight**

The last time we had a 4some 

We switched partners

Might I say Kuroo has a way with his hips, doesn’t he Kenma?

**Kitten**

No comment

**Tsum-Tsum**

What is happening?

And why am I turned on?

**Mini**

Omega x omega action

My prayers have been fulfilled

**Freckles**

I think I’m gonna go back to sleep

Seems that I’ve walked into a brothel

**Fleshlight**

You wanna be naughty huh Kitten?

Or maybe I should call in Kuroo-san, have him bring his paddle

Oh I’m sorry, what was it you called him?

Daddy, Was it?

**Angel**

Is this hell?

Am I in hell?

**Mommy**

My baby doesn’t need to see this 

Byee

Summon me when y'all are done with the circle jerk

**Mommy is offline**

**My Little Cumslut**

I feel like I’m intruding

I want to exit the chat, yet I’m strangely transfixed

**Tsum-Tsum**

I’m taking notes

Omi-kun doesn’t know what’s about to hit him

**Fleshlight**

Why so quiet Kenma?

Did I strike a nerve?

**Kitten**

Nope

I’m awesome

Just peachy

**Sweetness**

I can’t tell if they’re five seconds from tearing each other's limbs off or making out

**Sunarin**

Why not both?

**Angel**

Isn’t this just a pleasant way to start the morning?

**Fleshlight**

WAIT

WTF KENMA

YOU DIDN’T

**Kitten**

Oops?

**My Little Cumslut**

Huh? What happened?

**Fleshlight**

The little shit just send screenshots to Bokuto and now i’m being told to prep cause I’m probably gonna get my ass handed to me for “being mean to Kenma”

**Kitten**

Hehehe

I’m sorry Akaashi-san

That’s what you get for being a meanie

**Tsum-Tsum**

Hmm

Now I know not to cross you

**Fleshlight**

I see how it is

When I get back

You’re finished

**Fleshlight is offline**

**Shrimpy**

Kenma?

What just happened?

**Kitten**

Revenge

**Mini**

How ominous

And here I was thinking Kenma was precious and wholesome

**Tsum-Tsum**

What do guys think is happening?

**My Little Cumslut**

Probably something NOT precious and wholesome

**Angel**

Guys I have a confession to make

Pls dont judge

But I’m sorta fucking dripping rn ngl

**Tsum-Tsum**

Oh fuck I thought I was the only one

**Freckles**

Well there was a line

And we definitely just crossed it

**Mini**

I don’t think there was even a line in the first place

**Kitten**

Ew

**Shrimpy**

Shut up Kenma

You horndog

You have no room to speak

**Kitten**

I like what I like

Sue me

**My Little Cumslut**

That’s respectable

**My Little Cumslut** has changed **Kitten** to **Breeding Kink**

**Sweetness**

Guys I think we’re escalating

**Breeding Kink**

Don’t knock it till you try it

**My Little Cumslut**

Oh I’ve tried it alright

And lemme just say

BEST sex of my life

**Angel**

This gc is quite literally becoming a circle jerk

**Mini**

I wanna see who can keep their wholesome nickname the longest.

As we can see, as we learn new things about each other, we stray further and further from god

**Tsum-Tsum**

I bet it’ll be Tadashi

**Freckles**

I’m secure

**Shrimpy**

I wonder what Noya’s dirty nickname would be

**My Little Cumslut**

Idk I feel like there’s something inherently dirty about “Mini” already

Sounds like your big softie of an alpha has a size fetish

**Mini**

I—

You know what

I could deny it, but what would be the point

Asahi does this thing when he makes me ride him just so he can wrap his hands around my waist and jostle me on his cock.

Then he proceeds to melt over how smol I am uwu

Honestly, I think that’s why I’m not as insecure about my height as I used to be

**Sweetness**

Damn that was simultaneously, nauseatingly precious and erotic at the same time

**Tsum-Tsum**

Can I go next?

**Sunarin**

When did this become a free for all?

I thought we were trying to see how long we can last without changing our chat names to something vulgar.

**My Little Cumslut**

Bold of you to assume that we had any order in this gc

Go on Tsumu

What’s your damage?

**Tsum-Tsum** has changed their name to **Gag Reflex**

**Angel**

Oml

There is no hope for us

**Shrimpy**

By gag reflex you mean you have one, or you don’t have one?

**Gag Reflex**

Oh I have one alright

Omi-kun has a strange obsession with my mouth

And I’m guessing y’all can guess what that means for someone with a painfully sensitive gag reflex

I’m kinda ashamed but not really

But it’s honestly really fucking hot when I choke

**My Little Cumslut**

Oh dear lord take me now

I thought I was kinky

**Angel**

Holy shit

The amount of thirst that lives in this gc is insurmountable

Y’all need something to drink ASAP

**Freckles**

I feel like all we do is talk about sex

Are we okay?

**Breeding Kink**

Define okay

**Shrimpy**

I heard that drinking cold water before you give a bj can curb your gag reflex

**Sweetness**

And we’re back to that

**Gag Reflex**

I heard that too

Tried it and it literally did nothing

I also tried the thumb thing but nope, it still didn’t work

**My Little Cumslut**

I think we should end it there before we’re all named after some convoluted sex act

**Mini**

Should we summon Sugamama?

**Freckles**

Indeed

@Mommy

**My Little Cumslut**

@Mommy

**Shrimpy**

@Mommy

**Mommy is online**

**Mommy**

Uh finally

I was forcing myself to work on lesson plans

But why would I do that if I can talk to you guys

What I miss?

**Shrimpy**

You can back read if you want

But prepare yourself

**Mommy**

Okie 

How bad can it be?

brb

**Gag Reflex**

Wait for it

**Mommy**

OMG

NOYA WTFHjdjdhs

WHAT IS THIS POLLUTION

I leave you kids unsupervised for one minute and somehow y’all manage to make satan blush

I’m shaming you all

Irresponsible little shits

**Sunarin**

Says the one who got accidentally knocked up

**Breeding Kink**

Mhm ^

**My Little Cumslut**

Oh that reminds me!

How did the alphas act around y’all last night?

Any special treatment?

**Shrimpy**

Oh Kageyama’s definitely acting strange

He tried to make me dinner but he got salt and sugar mixed up and ended up making disgustingly sweet ramen

**Breeding Kink**

It’s not like you can cook either

**Shrimpy**

I can cook to survive

And how tf does someone mess up making ramen?

**Breeding Kink**

Take a guess

**Gag Reflex**

Nah I’ve had Kuroo’s cooking

They’re pretty good

**Breeding**

No, you tried his cupcakes

He bakes, he does not cook

There’s a difference

**Sweetness**

I on the other hand, was spoiled with a lovely bubble bath with aromatherapy candles and chocolate covered strawberries

**Mommy**

How does Tendou end up being the most spoiled out of all of us?

**My Little Cumslut**

Cant relate

Iwa-chan and I had taco bell and we fell asleep on the floor after we got done fucking

Also, he was strangely tame last night

A lot less assertive than what I’m used to.

He really let me take the lead

**Sweetness**

Idk what you’re talking about Oikawa

That sounds like a blast

**Mini**

Asahi just kept smothering me with his weird hulk arms and I think we fell asleep watching Studio Ghibli

**Angel**

Aww

Semi and I binged American Horror Story, but he had a hand on my tummy the entire time

**Breeding Kink**

Kuroo was still Kuroo

I just always expect to be pregnant at this point

(Not that I’ve checked)

**Freckles**

I wanted to see how Tsukki would react so I put Boss Baby on the TV and I swear I saw him panic for a split second

After that he tucked me in bed and he went to go call his brother

**My Little Cumslut**

Atsumu hbu

**Gag Reflex**

Welp

I got caught looking up pregnancy symptoms on Google so I guess I kinda ruined it on my end

Omi made me take a pregnancy test and well...

It was positive to my surprise

He was touched? I guess

Like he reacted the same when we got our little kitty Mochi

He just had this whipped look on his face

**Mommy**

WAIT

YOU’RE PREGGY TOO?!

**Gag Reflex**

According to about a dozen tests yeah

**Angel**

Aww twinnies!

How cute

Congratulations Tsumu!

**Mini**

Congratulations!

**Shrimpy**

There goes the baby fever again omg

**Sunarin**

We’re walking into dangerous territory here y’all

What if we all got knocked up at the same time?

That would be a nightmare for us and the alphas

We’d all be miserable

**Freckles**

But it would be a great show of solidarity

**Breeding Kink**

Somehow I don’t feel like that 

kind of solidarity is worth it

**My Little Cumslut**

Valid point

Oh wow I cannot imagine that happening

That would be apocalyptic

**Gag Reflex**

Well I guess I kinda ruined the joke for all of us now huh

Assuming Omi-kun told the others

I did tell him about what we intended to do tho

**Sunarin**

I can help you there

Samu says that everyone’s still pretty much clueless

So neither Daichi or Sakusa said anything 

**My Little Cumslut**

Oh thank fuck for that

**Mommy**

Suna is kinda our little mole

Technically we can get him to sneak any info from the alphas w/o them knowing

**Sunarin**

Sure but

That’s gonna cost you

**Shrimpy**

But that’s kinda evil no?

**Breeding Kink**

If you haven’t noticed already Shoyo we aren’t exactly the purest of creatures

**My Little Cumslut**

My My Koushi-kun

I like the way u think

**Fleshlight is online**

**Fleshlight**

I have glimpsed heaven

Or maybe I’m still there idk anymore 

I’m still floating

Orgasms ar ethe best

**Mini**

Does this mean Kenma is in the green?

**Fleshlight**

I'm too blissed out to care about Kenma rn so yeh

What I miss

**Shrimpy**

Atsumu-kun is pregnant too

**Fleshlight**

Hmm

Awww

Congrats!!

After that, I’m pretty sure I am too

**Mommy**

Akaashi you’re loopy

You should go get some rest

**Fleshlight**

Huh

Okay

Thank youuu

Goobye

**Fleshlight is offline**

**Freckles**

I want what he’s having

**Breeding Kink**

You want a glorified owl-person to fuck you till you’re floating?

Good luck with that.

**Mommy**

Anyways

If we ever need to find out something critical, we can just ask Suna to relay the info

Sounds good?

**Sweetness**

Sounds disingenuous 

**My Little Cumslut**

Pfft

We wont ask for anything too personal

Ig they need to have their safe space too

But maybe we can ask a few things here and there

**Sunarin**

They made a bet on who they thought the baby daddy was

Iwaizumi got the majority of the points

**My Little Cumslut**

I—

Well then

I guess that’s why he was tame last night

They got into his head

Hehehe

**Angel**

How do we get anything done if we’re constantly on our phones

**Mommy**

The magic of suspension of disbelief?

**Sweetness**

I think we’re just a bunch of spoiled, lazy bums

**Shrimpy**

Who have too much sex

**Mini**

Sounds about right

**Gag Reflex**

Wow

Are we okay?

**Breeding Kink**

Probably not but I’m chill

* * *

**Perpetual Simps**

**Kageyama**

Here is the edited version

Tell me if you need me to make any changes

_Attachment: tinyredheadgetspoundedbyalpha_edited.mp4_

**Daichi**

Umm

**Kuroo**

Oh ho ho

**Sakusa**

At least put a fucking trigger warning you beast

**Tsukishima**

...

**Kageyama**

OMFG

I’M SO SORRY

I MEANT TO SENT THAT TO HINATA

**Bokuto**

Is that your sextape?

And why is it strangely cinematic

Who shot this and can you refer me to them?

**Kageyama**

THIS IS NOT FUNNY

THERE IT’S DELETED

I’M SORRY TO THE UNFORTUNATE BUNCH OF YOU WHO SAW IT

**Kuroo**

You know it only deletes it from your phone right?

**Kageyama**

WHA

But why?

**Ushijima**

Oh dear, I knew this group chat was vulgar but I did not anticipate that we would be exchanging pornography of ourselves.

**Semi**

It was a mistake Ushi

**Kageyama**

A very big mistake

**Bokuto**

What do you need a sextape for?

**Kageyama**

You want me to be honest?

**Kuroo**

Might as well

**Kageyama**

...itsforouronlyfans

**Sakusa**

YOU and the lil tangerine have an onlyfans?

**Osamu**

Wtf did I just walk into

**Tsukishima**

The King has an onlyfans where he posts all his porn with the carrot top

**Kageyama**

Not all of it

Just that ones we think are meant to be shared

**Bokuto**

Well whoever shot this did a real good job tho

I mean

Those angles man

**Kageyama**

It was Akiteru

He shoots all of our scenes

**Tsukishima**

...Excuse me?

Please tell me you're not talking about my brother 

**Kageyama**

What? He was a film student 

It only made sense

Plus he gave us a discount since we’re friends with you

**Tsukishima**

First of all: gross. I have no clue why he would do that

Second of all: Bold of you to assume we are friends, I only tolerate y’all

**Kuroo**

Feeling the love here Tsukki

**Osamu**

Okay idk why I watched it

But I need some bleach ASAP

**Sakusa**

I have plenty

Regular or extra strength

I also have some of the Hair bleach Tsumu uses for his mane

Take your pic

**Bokuto**

We can all do that later

I have news

**Semi**

Is it relevant to me?

**Daichi**

Is it about the pregnancy thing?

Has anyone’s mate come out and said they’re pregnant?

**Iwaizumi**

No Oikawa didn’t seem any different last night

Thank god oml

**Semi**

^

**Asahi**

Neither did Noya

And I’m kinda sad

**Kuroo**

I should probably get Kenma to take a test

**Sakusa**

Wasn’t Tsumu

I don’t think

**Bokuto**

Akaashi seemed normal

**Osamu**

No baby for me

**Kageyama**

Hinata didn’t mention anything

**Daichi**

Then who tf is pregnant?

**Sakusa**

Maybe they just happened to be talking about pregnancy

And @Kuroo just overheard them

**Kuroo**

Perhaps

Idk I swear I heard someone say they’re pregnant

And I stand by what I said

We should wait until they come to us

**Iwaizumi**

That’s a load of horse shit

What happened to having a mature, adult conversation?

**Kuroo**

Well whenever I try to do that we always end up having sex

**Bokuto**

Lmao

I’m waiting y'all

This news is relevant to all of us

**Kageyama**

What is it?

**Bokuto**

Well earlier Kenma texted me a bunch of screenshots

And it looks like they have a gc of their own that they use to exchange nesting tips or whatever

**Kuroo**

Uh why was Kenma texting u?

**Bokuto**

Because apparently Akaashi was “being mean to him”

But in reality they were doing the weird sexual tension thing where they pretend that they’re really irritated with one another but they actually wanna make out.

**Kuroo**

Ahh that thing

makes sense

That’s why Kenma was glued to his phone yesterday

**Daichi**

You think they’re talking about us?

**Sakusa**

We gossip about them all the time, I am willing to wager that they do the exact same thing

**Asahi**

What kinds of things do you think they’re talking about

**Bokuto**

Well from the screenshots I saw, apparently they talk a lot about sex

Like I’m pretty sure it’s a thirst chat

Some of them were named “My Little Cumslut” and “fleshlight”

I was like whoa

**Asahi**

I don’t think I wanna know what they’re talking about anymore

**Kageyama**

You think they’re talking about which one of us has the biggest dick?

**Semi**

Probably

But I doubt it

**Kuroo**

But if they are

I bet they think it’s me

**Bokuto**

Oya oya

Let’s see about that fucker

**Iwaizumi**

Nah y’all haven’t seen anything yet

**Asahi**

Is this gonna turn into a dick-measuring contest?

(Also nice try, but I’m pretty sure it’s me)

**Tsukishima**

This is quite literally the most proto-alpha thing I’ve ever seen

**Osamu**

Got something to hide bean pole?

**Tsukishima**

Seeing that I am in fact a “bean pole” I’ll let you take a guess 

My height is not the only tall thing about me

**Kuroo**

That’s a diss if I haven’t seen one

**Kageyama**

Ya bois wanna bet?

**Bokuto**

Isn’t that kinda gay?

**Sakusa**

I’m pretty sure that’s not going to be a problem bro

**Asahi**

As much as I want to prove y’all that I’m the largest

I refuse to be objectified like that

**Sakusa**

What he said

According to twitter comparing dick sizes is a form of body shaming and is demeaning to anyone who has a penis

**Kuroo**

You guys are no fun

**Kageyama**

Oof fine fine

**Daichi**

But we all know I’m packing

**Ushijima**

My penis is 12.53 inches.

...

**Sem** i

Nah

Nuh uh

**Asahi**

That’s a lie

**Kageyama**

I refuse to believe that 

**Kuroo**

If that’s the case then I guess I’m falling a little short

**Tsukishima**

Whatever

I guess when he was developing all the brains went to his nugget

**Osamu**

From what I’m seeing it’s more than just a nugget

**Bokuto**

When Ushijima said third leg I guess he wasn’t kidding

**Semi**

Are we agreeing that Ushijima has the largest schlong between all of us

**Ushijima**

Schlong?

**Semi**

It’s a colloquial term for penis.

**Asahi**

Nope

Sounds fake

**Kuroo**

Really bro?

Unless you can top 12.53 inches

**Asahi**

...Whatever

**Kageyama**

I came in so confident

Stupid Ushiwaka

**Ushijima**

Did I do something wrong?

**Semi**

No big guy

But I think you just won the Great Schlong Wars of 2021

**Sakusa**

Honestly I’m not surprised

**Bokuto**

We’re all just casually accepting defeat?

**Osamu**

I guess so

**Kuroo**

Again

Unless anyone can top 12.53 inches

**Iwaizumi**

I’m half an inch short

**Semi**

There goes the end of the Great Schlong Wars of 2021.

Ushijima, who was admittedly the largest packer of the bunch, was dense as usual.

The rest of the simps however, were dejected from a harrowing loss upon learning about the stentorian nature of Ushiwaka’s cock.

**Sakusa**

Can someone refer me to a therapist?

Please

**Ushijima**

I can refer you to a friend of mine?

She is a lovely woman. She really helped resolve some of Butter’s internal struggles.

**Kuroo**

Butter?

**Ushijima**

One of my heifers.

She was having some difficulty connecting with the rest of the herd.

Therapy was a tremendous help.

**Osamu**

This is it

We have reached rock bottom

**Daichi**

I feel like we all just collectively sighed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do I come up with this shit lol
> 
> Let me know what you think! ❤️


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m done with myself. I sorry for breaking my updating streak but I’ve had a really hectic week. Here is an alpha centric chapter to lead us into the weekend.
> 
> I guess you can say there’s a little more plot in this chapter?
> 
> **Thank you to everyone for reading, I’m really touched that I’m am able to bring a little bit of serotonin to your lives. I feel very honored. Thank you for the comments and love! Have a kiss
> 
> **I make a lot of references so I’m sorry if some of them are a little obscure.
> 
> **Also, this isn’t a crackfic, although it’s a slippery slope in that direction. I try to add in some intimate, non kitchy moments in there as well so...idk depends on your judgement ig.

**Perpetual Simps**

**Sakusa**

I lowkey had the weirdest dream ever

Bokuto was pole dancing in the tiniest thong I’ve ever seen

Asahi was dropping it to Lady Marmalade

And Dachi tried to do a split but ended up tearing his pants right down the crotch

I’m think I’m having one of those days again

**Bokuto**

That was no dream my dude

**Kageyama**

No shit

That was Iwaizumi’s bachelor party

**Kuroo**

Bruh that shit was wild

I drank so much beer I gained like five pounds

**Iwaizumi**

Yeah and you were violently manspreading on the cocktail bar

**Sakusa**

No

I’m pretty sure it was a dream

If it wasn’t then I’m very concerned for us

**Semi**

You know what concerns me?

The fact that that shit happened two years ago and we still haven’t changed a bit

**Asahi**

Makes you wonder if we’re actually cut out to have children

**Daichi**

There’s no hope for them

**Tsukishima**

Ah yes

Birthing the next generation of twats and overly emotional athletes

**Ushijima**

I have no recollection of attending this bachelor party.

**Kuroo**

Cause you were shitfaced, dog ass wasted after drinking all that moonshine

**Osamu**

You were latching onto Bokuto cuz you thought he was Tendou

**Asahi**

Wait 

I never got to have any of the moonshine

**Bokuto**

Well yeah 

Ushi drank all of it

**Iwaizumi**

It was a limited supply that I paid hella cash for and it didn’t even last an hour

I almost got arrested for that shit

And I had like a shot and a half

**Ushijima**

I do not recall trying any of this moonshine, but I vaguely remember drinking from a jug with “jet fuel” on the label.

**Semi**

That’s one way to put it

That stuff was potent af

**Kageyama**

I was in another dimension

**Osamu**

I remember hearing colors for an entire week

**Sakusa**

Sounds fake but okay

I still think it’s a dream

**Kageyama**

I’m sorry would you like to see pictures?

_attachment_1.png_

**Sakusa**

I-

Bokuto...who gave you permission to wear a thong?

**Kageyama**

Bitch 

With an ass like that he can walk around buck naked for all I care

**Bokuto**

Damn right

**Tsukishima**

I disagree

**Kuroo**

We got matching ones but I was too chicken to wear mine

**Asahi**

Where did you even learn how to pole dance @Bokuto

**Bokuto**

By watching Bretman Rock

**Kuroo**

As you should

**Kageyama**

Here’s a pic of Iwaizumi doing body shots off Kuroo’s abs

_attachment_2.png_

**Kuroo**

Don’t tell Kenma

**Bokuto**

Ehh I wouldn’t worry about it

The omegas probably had an entire orgy for Oikawa’s bachelor party

**Daichi**

Umm

**Asahi**

Remember when boundaries were a thing?

**Tsukishima**

We are but animals

**Iwaizumi**

Oh here’s Ushi belting out Despacito

_attachment.mp4_

**Osamu**

He ate that ngl

Granted he’s speaking gibberish but he got the notes down

**Ushijima**

How strange.

I have no recollection of that either.

**Sakusa**

I’m shivering

I feel attacked

I need some painkillers

**Bokuto**

Now this one’s a doozy:

Here’s Kageyama chasing Samu with a horse-cock dildo

attachment.mp4

**Semi**

We’re just being vulgar at this point

**Kuroo**

Something about us ain't right

**Sakusa**

I’m sorry but I think it’s physically impossible to forget something like that

So I’m confused

What the hell was _I_ doing?

**Daichi**

You know what

I’m not actually sure now that you mention it

**Semi**

Yeah

Are you sure you were even there?

**Kuroo**

He should have been since he has the details down

I remember you getting there but after the shots everything just blurs together

**Tsukishima**

Y’all are a bunch of morons

He had to leave because his ex owned the club we rented and they didn’t wanna be around each other

**Kuroo**

Oh that’s right!

@Sakusa you said your dick shrivelled up just by looking at him 

**Sakusa**

Uh which ex is this

??

**Daichi**

The one who’s obsessed with cleaning like you

I think you said he was in the army, or national guard or sum

**Sakusa**

Levi?!

**Bokuto**

That’s the one

Now I remember

This Levi guy was overseeing the venue and you were so upset that you got Atsu to pick you up and take you home

**Sakusa**

Then why the fuck do I remember Bokuto in a thong?

**Kuroo**

I was on instagram live the entire time

And I believe you watched the entire thing

**Osamu**

And you and Atsu probably ended up falling asleep through it

**Sakusa**

Explains why it felt like a fever dream

I can’t believe I let levi of all people drive me out of Iwa’s bachelor party

Sorry dude

**Iwaizumi**

No harm, no harm

But as an act of consolation, I would appreciate it if you would reimburse me for all the moonshine that the rest of us didn’t get to have

**Sakusa**

???

Umm

Why not Ushijima? 

I didn’t even get to have any of it

I wasn’t even there for the most part?!

**Iwaizumi**

My point exactly

At least Ushijima was there

**Kageyama**

Did you hate ur ex that bad you had to bail?

**Sakusa**

We don’t talk about him

**Semi**

Can’t be that bad

**Sakusa**

Oh you don’t even know

**Tsukishima**

What did he have footfetish or sum?

**Bokuto**

Hey hey

We don’t kinkshame in this house

This is a safe space remember?

**Kageyama**

Got something to confess Bokuto?

👅🦶🦶

**Tsukishima**

I think _my_ dick just shrivelled up

**Bokuto**

No comment

**Sakusa**

I’ll take a foot fetish over what I found out about him

**Kuroo**

What, is he into knife play or some shit?

Heavy bdsm?

Sounding?

Anything that can be classified as a “dead dove: do not eat” on ao3

**Sakusa**

He asked me to roleplay as a teletubby

**Kageyama**

Ofjajsyxnak

IM WHEEZING

**Osamu**

I just made a noise that is not of this planet

**Daichi**

This chat was a mistake

I didn’t need to know that someone out there gets it up for Teletubbies

**Ushijima**

Teletubbies? 

**Kuroo**

They’re a group of soulless children’s television characters that look suspiciously of the beans from among us

**Asahi**

I was never allowed to watch that show

My parents said it would kill my brain cells

**Tsukishima**

This conversation is killing my brain cells

**Semi**

Please tell me you said no @Sakusa

**Sakusa**

Well

I said yes just to try it out but my dick flipped inside out when he started calling me Tinky-Winky

So I think y’all can guess how that relationship ended.

Obvs we weren’t a match

He wrote teletubbies fanfiction ffs

Now he’s married to this dude named Eren’s who into My Little Pony erotica

**Osamu**

Does Tsumu know about this?

**Sakusa**

Yes

And he laughed at my face

**Ushijima**

You said Eren?

Eren Jaeger?

**Sakusa**

Yeah

You know him?

**Ushijima**

Oh yes, I am familiar with the little pillock.

That little cunt stole Haru from me and I will never forget the grief of watching him violate my belongings.

Pardon my language.

**Asahi**

Did he just

**Kageyama**

I think he just did

**Semi**

Not this again

Ushi stop thinking about it or you’ll get upset

**Kuroo**

Is Haru another one of your farm animals?

**Semi**

Please don’t ask

I don’t need to hear this story again

**Ushijima**

No, Haru is my favorite volleyball.

**Semi**

No omfg I said don’t ask

**Daichi**

Is volleyball a euphemism for something?

**Ushijima**

Haru is a volleyball. 

**Bokuto**

Ushi I love volleyball as much a the next guy but I don’t feel the need to name my balls

At least not my volleyballs

**Ushijima**

Haru is more than just an ordinary volleyball, he is the entire reason why I was introduced to Tendou.

**Tsukishima**

Someone’s losing it

**Ushijima**

I was on my way home from afternoon practice when I saw someone practicing serves beside a nearby creek. Little did I know that that beautiful, neurotic, artificial redhead would be my soulmate.

**Asahi**

Aww that’s so wholesome

Also I didn’t know that Tendou’s hair was artificial

**Semi**

Believe it or not his natural hair color is actually white 

Since people kept saying he looked like a serial killer he dyed it red

**Daichi**

What does this have to do with “Haru”

**Ushijima**

As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted:

I saw Tendou practicing his serves by his lonesome so I offered to join him for a few reps.

He served me the ball, which I received with my crotch and with the sheer volume of pain that reverberated through my lower half I fell into the creek with quite possibly the shrillest screech known to man.

**Tsukishima**

Why are you telling this story?

Do you not have any dignity?

**Kageyama**

When a man is expressing his excruciating testicle pain, you show him some respect

**Ushijima**

Naturally, the ball fell into the creek as well and the pretty redhead dove in after my pain-limp body which was cruising along the creek like a plastic bag.

When Tendou finally retrieved my body (and the volleyball as well), we swam to shore and gazed into each other’s eyes and that’s when I knew:

I despised him with all of my being.

**Kuroo**

Wait 

What?

**Iwaizumi**

Plot twist of the century

**Ushijima**

That was perhaps the most harrowing experience of my life. My testicles were violated, I was minutes from drowning in that godforsaken creek, and I am quite certain I saw a corpse underwater and it was all because that damn pretty redhead was shit at serving.

**Asahi**

That’s awful

Did you have any injuries?

You know aside from your nuts

**Ushijima**

I did hit my head on some rocks, but I don’t believe the impact left any lasting effects on my health.

**Tsukishima**

That explains so much.

So many things just clicked into place.

**Osamu**

Ya should write a novel Ushi

I’d read that

**Kageyama**

Wait

I still don’t know how you ended up with this Haru business

**Ushijima**

Well I told the pretty redhead, whose name I learned was Tendou, that I never wanted to see him again so we went our separate ways after he apologized profusely. 

When I came to school the following morning I learned that there was a new student in my class and to my utter misfortune it was Tendou—who just recently migrated to Miyagi in order to attend Shiratorizawa for our exceptional volleyball program.

**Semi**

Pick it up Ushi the story’s getting stale

**Kuroo**

What are you on about?

This is riveting

Keep going Ushijima

**Ushijima**

From then on Tendou would not leave me be. 

To compensate for tenderizing my loins, he would offer to buy me lunch or rub my back or help me with my calculus homework because I am physically incapable of processing arithmetic. 

Until one day, which I regard as the best day of my life, Tendou showed up at my home and cooked me some hayashi rice, I knew he was my soulmate.

**Iwaizumi**

Hold up

He served a volleyball directly at your nads and it only took hayashi rice to make you forgive him?

**Ushijima**

He also gave me fellatio that day. I believe that was also a contributing factor.

Also, the hayashi rice was a pleasant inclusion, but I suppose the time he spent following me around and coddling me made me fall in love with him in the long run. 

I’ve never felt quite as loved until I met Tendou, and I happily return the sentiment.

We decided to keep Haru as a momento, after all, if it wasn’t for him we would have never met.

I brought Haru to an AA meeting once and I found Eren Jaeger fondling him like a savage. 

**Sakusa**

It unsettles me that he refers to the volleyball as “he”

**Bokuto**

I think we just read the UshiTen origin story

**Osamu**

How did we get here?

**Tsukishima**

I fail to remember when exactly I asked to be bombarded by your word regurgitation @Ushijima

**Kuroo**

Kuroken origin story next!

**Daichi**

NO

God

One story at a time please

I still need to process how Ushijima mated with an omega who flattened his nuts

And named his volleyball Haru

**Asahi**

Do you guys ever wonder if we could be doing something profound to change the world?

Yet he we are talking about tenderized loins and semi-sentient volleyballs

I mean

Isn’t there more to life than the utter stupidity of this gc?

**Osamu**

Ehh

Life isn’t real

Humans are just a cosmic anomaly and are super insignificant compared to the rest of the universe

So I wouldn’t worry about it

**Semi**

I didn’t come here to question my life’s purpose 

**Kuroo**

You didn’t come, you were invited.

**Semi**

Then I’m deprogramming

**Asahi**

On a different note

The guys from the facebook group are coming over to my place to knit tomorrow night

Everyone is welcome to come

The plan is to knit some potential clothing for the potential baby

**Kageyama**

Okay grandma

**Daichi**

Hey dont shame them Kags

This is supposed to be a safe space

**Sakusa**

@Asahi Is it only going to be us?

**Asahi**

I invited Aone from Date Tech

Apparently his mate is due anytime in the next month

Like he’s been knitting tiny onesies for the baby since he found out so when I vented to him about Noya possibly being pregnant he offered to exchange tips and stuff

**Sakusa**

Wait...so we’re going to be knitting baby onesies? 

**Asahi**

That’s the plan

**Iwaizumi**

Hey guys

Can I be real for a second

All this talk about the baby and stuff...it’s getting to me 

I just need to get something off my chest

**Kuroo**

Of course bro

**Iwaizumi**

I’ve really been stressing about the whole pregnancy thing

Don’t you guys think that they would’ve come to us by now if they were really pregnant?

I mean what if they are, isn’t that a good thing?

Like, I’ve never really, seriously thought about kids before, but I’m not opposed to them and I’d be really happy if Oikawa turns out to be pregnant.

I just think the omegas are hesitating and that scares me because I want Oikawa to be able to come to me—especially with something life changing like this

**Bokuto**

Yeah I see your point

We joke about it all the time...yet I didn’t even realize that Akaashi and I have never had a conversation about having kids 

Like

What if he thinks I don’t want them?

**Semi**

Sometimes I feel like Shirabu’s dropping hints.

Yesterday, we went out for dinner and he literally swooned over a couple and their newborn 

**Osamu**

When was the last time we all just sat down and had a conversation with them?

Without the jokes

A real adult conversation

**Asahi**

Oh shit

Are you saying they might be feeling neglected?

That we don’t notice?

**Kuroo**

I mean we tell each other everything

At least Kenma and I do

If they have any mixed emotions about the pregnancy they should be able to come to us

**Kageyama**

I think we should just ask them at this point

**Iwaizumi**

That’s what I’ve been saying this entire time

But Kuroo did say they might feel confronted and I think he’s right

**Dachi**

Fuck okay

I feel really awful about this

But I think the situation is escalating so I’m just gonna come around and say it:

Suga told me that he was pregnant the day Kuroo overheard them talking

He said that the other omegas wanted to keep the mystery going just to see if they notice a change in the way we treat them

I thought that it would be funny but now it’s just depressing so I’m sorry

**Kuroo**

So it’s been Suga this entire time?

**Daichi**

Yeah

He even showed me the pregnancy tests

We have our first doctor’s appointment soon

**Bokuto**

I mean

I’m relieved but also a little disappointed

At least I know that Akaashi isn’t afraid to come to me 

But I’m kinda bummed it wasn’t him

**Sakusa**

Yikes

Okay

I have a confession to make as well

After Kuroo made the group chat I came home to Tsumo researching pregnancy symptoms so obviously I assumed he was pregnant

So he told me about the joke and that he was just curious but I wasn’t having any of it so I made him take a preg test and lo and behold

Tsumu is pregnant as well

**Iwaizumi**

Wait wait wait

So you’re telling me that I just bared by soul to you guys

And y'all were clowning me this entire time?

**Kageyama**

You deceived us

And for what reason?

**Semi**

I suggest sleeping with one eye open @Daichi @Sakusa

**Asahi**

So no baby?

:(

**Daichi**

Well no baby for you

But for me yes

**Sakusa**

It’s not exactly our fault 

We were told not to tell you guys

**Iwaizumi**

So ya’ll just let me have an entire existential crisis for a joke?!?

Y’all are paying for my therapy

**Osamu**

Well I knew this entire time since Suna’s been texting me about their gc

But ya know

I ain’t no snitch

**Iwaizumi**

**🖕🖕🖕**

**Iwaizumi is offline**

**Kuroo**

Well I initially created this chat so that we can be open and vulnerable with each other

And now I just feel used

**Ushijima**

If I may interject?

**Bokuto**

Sure bud

**Ushijima**

I believe it is safe to assume that if two of our mates are pregnant, then there is a high probability the rest of them are as well.

Considering our obvious aversion to contraception.

**Bokuto**

He has a point tho

**Kuroo**

Okay

Homework for today

Maybe gently suggest to your mate that they take a pregnancy test since the possibility of mass pregnancy is a thing now and the thought of that fills me with crippling anxiety

Imagine that

**Semi**

The world would slip of its axis

**Daichi**

That’ll be the beginning of armageddon

**Tsukishima**

Let’s see, imagine 11 heavily pregnant omega’s at the same time

Yeah no shit

**Sakusa**

Next time y’all fuck

Put a sock on it

**Kageyama**

So like...penis probation?

Hehe

**Kuroo**

Hmm you’re proud of yourself aren’t you

**Kageyama**

Yeah

Don’t shit all over me

I don’t have many accomplishments

**Bokuto**

That’s not true

You managed to convince someone to love you

**Semi**

So we’re just not going to be mad about the omega’s playing us at all?

**Asahi**

What’re you gonna do

Punish them?

**Kuroo**

Well they need some sort of consequence

Iwaizumi just about had a heart attack

**Bokuto**

Well

I have an idea

**Daichi**

Does it involve anything illegal and/or lethal

**Bokuto**

Of course not! 

We’re dealing with out mates here

I was thinking about withholding sex or something

**Osamu**

No offense bro

But you wouldn’t last a day

**Bokuto**

Hey hey

I wouldn’t underestimate the power of my loins

**Tsukishima**

The next person to say loins will wake up to their sleep paralysis demon tonight

**Kuroo**

Y’all think we can do it?

I say no sex for a week or longer

**Sakusa**

You? 

Being chaste for a week?

I can hear Kenma laughing from here

**Kuroo**

No I swear 

I’m not joking 

Plus maybe abstinence can resolve the whole mass pregnancy scare thing

Person who makes it the longest without nutting/having sex gets to drive Sakusa’s Porsche for a month

**Semi**

Count me the fuck in

**Sakusa**

Fuck no

Not that any of you can last long enough

**Kuroo**

Wanna bet?

If any of us can’t last a week you can tweet anything from my twitter

12.1 mill followers baby

**Sakusa**

Hmm

Sounds tempting

**Asahi**

Wait 

Are we actually doing this?

**Bokuto**

Kurooo idk

Are you sure all of us can last a week without nutting?

Like

I almost developed bipolar disorder when I tried no-nut november

**Ushijima**

But what about dream orgasms? Or accidental orgasms?

**Kageyama**

I’m pretty sure that’s a you problem Ushijima

**Sakusa**

HA

None of y’all would last a week

So you know what bro

Deal’s on

If the rest of y’all can make it a week without having sex/sexual activity then you get full rights to my lovely Porsche

If any of you fail I’m gonna humiliate Kuroo on his own twitter account

Oh and you guys have to serve as my housekeepers for a month

**Kuroo**

Deal’s on mf

We’re doing this

**Tsukishima**

I didn’t agree to anything

**Asahi**

Me Neither!

**Semi**

Only doing it for the car

**Bokuto**

I’m only doing it so I can drive Sakusa’s Porsche so I’m in

**Kageyama**

Oh fuck yeah

Watch me last the longest

**Sakusa**

Also

Daichi and I are exempt since our mates are already pregnant and there’s really nothing to worry about

**Daichi**

Oh thank god

I thought I was gonna have to read teletubby fanfiction to keep my libido down

**Kuroo**

@Sakusa that’s not fair

**Sakusa**

Take it or leave it bro

**Kuroo**

Ugh fine

You’re on

**Sakusa**

We’ll see. 

I’ll let the omega’s know about our arrangement

They’ll be responsible for keeping you guys accountable

**Osamu**

I literally didn’t agree to anything

**Kuroo**

Too bad!

We’re doing this

**Ushijima**

But orgasms are vital for my daily performance.

**Bokuto**

Tough it out bro

You get to drive Sakusa’s Car if we win

**Kuroo**

I’m gonna go learn how to become unhorny

**Kuroo is offline**

**Asahi**

So that just happened

**Asahi is offline**

**Tsukishima**

You people give me a rash

**Tsukishima is offline**

**Osamu is offline**

**Kageyama is offline**

**Semi is offline**

**Daichi and 2 others are offline**

**Ushijima**

Hello?

Should we codify a set of rules?

**Iwaizumi is online**

**Iwaizumi**

Hey

What I miss?

Wait lemme back read

Wait

Huh

No

I didn’t sign up for this shit?!

Fuck you all

Fml

**Ushijima**

Would you like to come to our knitting group tomorrow night?

**Iwaizumi is offline**

**Ushijima**

No?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Ushi omg I’m so sorry I’ll give him some love in the next chapter.
> 
> And I promise I don’t have anything against Eren and Levi I just thought it was funny lol. Also I’m not trying to insult the teletubby fandom lmao I actually Googled if that were a real thing and it is and it is...harrowing.
> 
> Anyways thank you for reading!
> 
> Comment your favorite line/part or anything at all!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a filler chapter since it’s the only one I could finish after a long ass week. I’m so sorry for the delay y’all.
> 
> ALSO THANK YOU SO MUCH for the 11k hits on this fic! I didn’t even expect that it would be so well received! Thank you for reading, ily guys ❤️

**_Sakusa_ ** _has added_ **_Atsumu, Osamu, Suna, Kuroo, Kenma, Bokuto, Akaashi, Ushijima, Tendou, Semi, Shirabu, Kageyama, Hinata, Daichi, Suga, Asahi, Noya, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Iwaizumi, Oikawa, Aone,_ ** _and_ **_Futakuchi_ ** _to the chat_

**_Sakusa_ ** _has renamed the chat to_ **_VIRGINITY ROCKS_ **

**Bokuto**

Uh

I’d like to make one correction

I don’t believe any of us are virgins

**Sakusa**

Then you come up with a chat name

I literally spent ten minutes shuffling through my cards against humanity deck trying to find something that fits

**Kuroo**

What’s this about anyway?

**Sakusa**

Our bet

So pick something chaste

**Bokuto**

I got u bro

**_Bokuto_ ** _has renamed the chat to_ **_THE CHASTITY CHAT_ **

**Tsukishima**

Cringe

**Kuroo**

I like it

**Sakusa**

Fine

I guess that works

**Suga**

I’m sure there’s a completely logical reason why we’re all here

I just can’t think of that reason

**Futakuchi**

Umm

Hey guys!

Why are we here?

**Aone**

^

**Oikawa**

Am I in trouble?

**Iwaizumi**

What makes you say that?

**Oikawa**

Idk 

Just a feeling

**Atsumu**

Omi omi

Please explain

**Sakusa**

Gladly

Well 

I’d like to begin by saying that the joke’s off and we know that you and Suga-kun are pregnant

Nice try btw you really had our stress levels through the roof

**Oikawa**

Aww

Dammit, who spilled?

**Iwaizumi**

You think you’re upset

Imagine how I felt

**Oikawa**

Oops?

**Atsumu**

OMI

YOU TOLD?

But why?

**Sakusa**

It wasn’t me

It was Daichi who cracked

**Daichi**

Yeah cause it was getting hella depressing

Iwaizumi practically admitted how much it was stressing him out that Oikawa was keeping secrets from him

It was getting real sad

**Oikawa**

Omg Iwa-chan!

You care?

**Iwaizumi**

Put your dick away

It wasn’t like that

**Oikawa**

Hehehe 

Okay Iwa-chan

I love you too

**Tendou**

Vomit

**Suga**

Daichi you snitch

Why did you crack first?

I thought you’d last longer than that

**Kuroo**

He caught feelings and he couldn't resist

**Sakusa**

And thanks to Daichi

The alphas and I have come up with a suitable consequence for trying to decieve us

**Hinata**

Is it going to hurt?

**Kageyama**

No bby

It’ll be fine

**Hinata**

Aww

Too bad

**Suga**

I—

**Bokuto**

LMAO

**Akaashi**

Oh well

This was inevitable anyway

What are the stakes?

**Sakusa**

One week without sex or any sexual activity

No orgasms whatsoever

**Kenma**

Yeah right

Good luck with that

**Atsumu**

Some of us are literally dysfunctional without orgasming

That’s just irresponsible

**Sakusa**

You don’t have to worry about it

It’s not like you and Suga can get any more pregnant

**Oikawa**

That’s not fair

**Iwaizumi**

Yeah and that's what y’all get for putting us through that

**Kuroo**

I think abstinence will be good for us

**Kenma**

You realize that by witholding sex from us you’re also punishing yourselves right?

**Kuroo**

Okay

So there are some holes in the arrangement

But it’s not all in vain cuz if we last a week we get all access to Sakusa’s Porsche for a month

**Atsumu**

OMI

SERIOUSLY?

Were you that upset with me that you bet your entire car?

You love that car more than you love me

**Sakusa**

I mean

It’s not like any of them are going to last

**Tsukishima**

Yikes

He didn’t even deny it 

**Shirabu**

And if we don’t last a week?

**Semi**

Sakusa gets to tweet something from Kuroo’s twitter and the rest of the alphas have to be his housekeepers for a month

**Kenma**

In that case I hope we lose

**Kuroo**

Just admit that you can’t last a week @Kenma

**Asahi**

Well some of us did NOT agree to this arrangement

**Osamu**

^

Why create unnecessary sexual tension?

**Tendou**

I feel like the no orgasm thing is taking it too far

Like I can go a week w/o sex just fine

But no orgasms?

That shit’s gonna be rough

**Ushijima**

I second that.

**Kuroo**

Okay so we change the terms to just no sex, 

But orgasms are okay 

**Futakuchi**

I’m really confused 

**Suga**

I’m sorry 

We have some issues

**Sakusa**

@Kuroo Idk seems like cheating

**Kageyama**

What if we have a wet dream

**Akaashi**

What are you, a twelve year old boy?

**Kageyama**

I’m just saying

Ever hear of hands off orgasms?

**Kuroo**

Idk what that is but it sounds like a dream

What’s the verdict @Sakusa?

**Sakusa**

Idk

Seems too easy

But I’ll be nice so alright

Orgasms are fine but

As long as you and your mate don’t have intercourse then you’re good

**Noya**

But how will you know that we’re not lying when we say we didn’t have sex?

**Sakusa**

Code of honor

Plus

We’re trying to prevent another pregnancy scare here so I’m pretty sure that’s incentive enough

Are we all on the same page?

**Futakuchi**

No not really

I still don’t understand why we’re here

**Aone**

^

**Sakusa**

Oh right

Aone and I really hit it off last night at the so I figured I’d invite you guys to the chat

**Asahi**

It was a great session btw

We should do that again sometime

**Ushijima**

Perhaps we can go yarn shopping next time?

**Aone**

It’ll be a pleasure

**Kageyama**

This is the type of energy you see at bingo games or nursing homes

**Yamaguchi**

What are they even talking about?

**Tsukishima**

They’re all in the same knitting group

Don’t ask

Or they’ll never stop talking

**Yamaguchi**

Noted

**Sakusa**

So are we good? 

Questions, comments, concerns

**Osamu**

I think this is fucking dumb

If you want someone punished then buy a pair of fucking handcuffs

Or shibari ropes

**Kuroo**

Jcjejsnfjsks

Suna I’m so sorry

**Suna**

Why’re you sorry

They’re not for me

**Osamu**

Babe don’t out me like that

**Atsumu**

Please delete yourself

I did not need to know that

**Akaashi**

Sometimes we just don’t know how to hold back

I’m sorry @Futakuchi @Aone

**Futakuchi**

Dw 

I’m due in like two weeks so sex is pretty much off the table

I think it’ll be good to be chaste for a while, you learn a lot about yourself

**Aone**

Sure love,

But just so you know

My balls feel like I’m holding back a sneeze that wont come out

**Futakuchi**

Hmm

If I have to suffer then you do too

Because you did this to me 

And I

Am

Fucking

Miserable

**Suga**

Oml

Is it that bad?

**Futakuchi**

Oh right you’re pregnant too

**Atsumu**

Me too!

**Futakuchi**

Aww Congratulations you two!

Prepare yourselves for a long nine months of pain and misery

**Suga**

Umm

**Futakuchi**

No I’m just playing

It’s all so worth it I promise

You’ll have a blast

But seriously, I’m almost full term and I just wanna birth this kid so my back stops hurting

**Atsumu**

Oh no

**Hinata**

Yeah….

What’s the opposite of baby fever?

**Noya**

Birth control?

**Semi**

SO

Are we still on for the bet?

**Kenma**

I’m in

**Akaashi**

Kenma’s busting out his dildo collection

**Kuroo**

His what?

Wait 

Kitten

I didn’t know about this

**Kenma**

It’s not important

**Kuroo**

Ah yeah, Of course it is

Why would you need dildos when you have me?

**Tsukishima**

Says a lot doesn’t it?

**Tendou**

Is that why Kenma’s cranky all the time?

**Kuroo**

???

**Bokuto**

Kenma uses them after you fuck to finish the job

**Kuroo**

I—

I’m in severe pain

**Semi**

Now I’m just remembering why I had my phone on do not disturb

We literally have no tact

**Sakusa**

OKAY

As much as we all would love to hear about what Kuroo doesn’t do for Kenma in the bedroom

I think we should finalize the terms of out bet

  1. No sexual intercourse with your partner for a week
    1. Excluding Daichi and I since our mates already have a bun in the oven
  2. If any one of you fails before the end of the week, then I have FULL RIGHTS to humiliate Kuroo on his own twitter
    1. The rest of the alphas will also serve as my housekeepers for a month.
  3. If all of you manage to last a week however, which I doubt immensely, then all of you have free reign over my Porsche



**Asahi**

Well

As I keep reiterating

I didn’t sign up for this

**Noya**

^ 

**Osamu**

You sound real confident about this @Sakusa

**Sakusa**

I have no faith in any of you

So of course

**Kageyama**

Oh I’m gonna win

And I’m gonna drive that car

**Bokuto**

Bet’s on

**Iwaizumi**

Yep, No sex for a week

Can’t be that hard right?

**Oikawa**

But iwa-chan!

I’m sorry

This is cruel and unusual punishment

**Semi**

I’m only doing it for the car

**Ushijima**

May I please be excused?

I have no desire to participate in this mindless bet.

**Tendou**

We can do it 

I believe in us

**Hinata**

I wanna see how long I can last

**Akaashi**

Idk

I feel like @Bokuto is biting off more than he can chew

One look at me in his jersey and he’s done for

**Bokuto**

Okay

Then don’t wear my jersey

Or any article of clothing I own

**Akaashi**

Sure 

I can always prance around naked

**Shirabu**

If you think about it

The only consequence if we lose is that Sakusa gets to tweet something incriminating or dumb from Kuroo’s twitter

And the alphas have to play maid for month

Other than that there aren’t any real stakes

**Akaashi**

Fair point

**Kuroo**

Uh yeah there is

Millions of people follow me

If they find out something incriminating about me my reputation is ruined

**Kenma**

Honey you make baking videos on youtube

What could Sakusa possibly say to incriminate you?

**Kageyama**

What about that time Iwaizumi did body shots off Kuroo’s abs?

**Oikawa**

Um excuse me?

**Kenma**

???

@Kuroo Explain

**Futakuchi**

Ooh tea

**Kuroo**

Kageyama you little shit I told you not to tell!

I’m so sorry kitten

I know you don’t like it when people touch my abs

It was during Iwaizumi’s bachelor party and some of us had moonshine

**Kenma**

@Iwaizumi 🔪🔪

**Iwaizumi**

I was drunk

Sue me

**Oikawa**

You know what

I’m in

Sign me up for this stupid bet 

No sex for you iwa-chan

**Iwaizumi**

I mean

That’s the idea

Cause I guarantee you, you’ve done way worse

You’re not actually upset are you? @Oikawa

**Oikawa**

No not really

That’s kinda hot ngl 

I’m just upset you had a better bachelor party than I did

**Bokuto**

What happened at your bachelor party?

**Oikawa**

Uh

Nothing

We just played board games and stuff

**Atsumu**

“And stuff”

Wtf happened after I left?

**Hinata**

Um 

I don’t think we can say

**Kenma**

Oikawa why tf would you bring it up

**Oikawa**

Oops

**Osamu**

Okay now I’m curious

**Tsukishima**

Tadashi? Something you’d like to tell me?

**Yamaguchi**

Nope

**Bokuto**

Did you guys murder someone?

**Akaashi**

What? 

Nooo

Of course not

**Sakusa**

Tsum-Tsum

Do I have anything to worry about?

**Atsumu**

I was with you the entire night??!?

**Ushijima**

Satori, my love.

Did you commit a felony with the other omegas?

**Tendou**

No

Of course not

I promise

**Ushijima**

Are you being deceptive?

**Tendou**

Define deceptive

**Daichi**

Do I need to call my lawyer?

**Suga**

Oh calm down Daichi

We didn’t kill anyone.

That we know of

**Kuroo**

???

Uhm

**Semi**

Okay 

Someone explain

Please

Before I have a heart attack

**Noya**

Like we said

We just played board games and stuff

**Asahi**

Noya 

You know you can tell me anything right?

**Aone**

If they did in fact murder someone

Would that make us accessories?

I have a baby due in like five seconds so I can’t afford to go to jail

**Suga**

Oml this is driving me insane

NO we did not murder anyone

We just got arrested for skinny dipping

**Oikawa**

He said it not me

**Bokuto**

Wut

**Daichi**

Oh dear god

My baby mama has a criminal record

**Shirabu**

You guys promised you wouldn’t tell!

**Kenma**

Can any of you keep a damn secret?

**Akaashi**

Stfu kenma it was your idea

**Kenma**

Well I didn’t know we were gonna get arrested

**Suna**

We were lucky Daichi had connections at the police station

**Daichi**

Why wasn’t I informed about this?!

**Suga**

Well

I told your colleagues not to tell you

👉👈

Sorry?

**Daichi**

I think I just lost five years of my life

**Osamu**

Please tell me they didn’t press any charges

**Suna**

They dropped the charges when they found out Suga was with us

**Daichi**

Omg 

Omg 

Omfg

That’s just dirty police work

I’m their captain 

I’m supposed to be setting an example

**Sakusa**

Hahahahaa

**Kuroo**

Kenma

I didn’t think you had it in you

**Daichi**

Don’t enable this you fucking walnut

**Suga**

I told you I’m sorry

The baby says you should forgive me

It was a bachelor party after all, we could’ve had an orgy but we didn’t

**Daichi**

I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED THAT OVER GETTING ARRESTED FOR SKINNY DIPPING

**Bokuto**

Where did you guys even skinny dip?

**Akaashi**

Kenma and Kuroo’s pool

**Kuroo**

Wait

Then what did y’all get arrested for?

It’s an enclosed space

**Oikawa**

Well someone filed a noise complaint

But by the time the officer arrived we were lethargic af so the noise was pretty much gone but he did see us skinny dipping so he busted us for that

**Asahi**

Wait wtf

The officer saw you guys naked?

**Noya**

Calm down he was an omega

**Suga**

By the time we got to the station we were just laughing about it so they let us off with a warning

**Daichi**

Oml

None of you are allowed to throw a party ever again

I mean it

**Futakuchi**

Lmao 

You guys are so entertaining

**Suna**

You should see our other group chat

**Osamu**

I have a migraine

**Tsukishima**

How is it that out of all of us, the omegas ended up the ones getting arrested?

**Bokuto**

I’m pretty sure we were just stupidly lucky

Especially with the moonshine

**Kenma**

It was a moment a weakness

**Yamaguchi**

And we also had a shit ton of alcohol

**Oikawa**

I have no regrets

**Akaashi**

We had good intentions

**Daichi**

Nope 

Nu uh

No more parties

**Kuroo**

Does anyone else have anything to contribute?

Any confessions?

Just put it out into the open

No judgement

Going once

Going twice

**Akaashi**

I really wanna make out with Kenma

**Tendou**

Bbyffbjzhshqjs

THE WAY I WHEEEZED 

**Oikawa**

Fucking knew it

**Bokuto**

Huh

**Hinata**

God finally

**Kenma**

Eww

Gross

Why the fuck would you say that? @Akaashi

Horny ass

**Akaashi**

So no?

**Kenma**

Whatever 

Come over? 

**Akaashi**

Be there in 10

**Akaashi is offline**

**Bokuto**

AGHAAASHI?

**Kuroo**

Wait

What just happened?

**Atsumu**

The climax of a week’s worth of sexual tension

**Kuroo**

Can I watch? @Kenma

**Bokuto**

^ Please

**Kenma**

Idk depends if you can control yourselves

We have a bet remember?

Goodbye

**Kenma is offline**

**Sakusa**

He’s not wrong fuckers

Oh right

You can’t fuck anyone for an entire week

Good luck with that

**Kuroo**

Oh I see how it is

**Futakuchi**

You guys have no shame at all don’t you?

**Shirabu**

Oh it’s just that we’ve known each other for a really long time

**Osamu**

Unfortunately

**Sakusa**

Keep it in your pants y’all

And we’ll reconvene at the end of the week

I’ll know when you fail

So don’t try anything

**Semi**

What are you gonna do, rig up our houses with cameras?

**Sakusa**

No that’s too much work

I have my ways

May the odds be ever in your favor

**Asahi**

I never signed up for this

**Tsukishima**

You keep saying that

But none of us are listening

**Kuroo**

I gtg I think Akaashi just got here

**Bokuto**

Bro

Wait for me

**Kuroo and Bokuto are offline**

**Iwaizumi**

Fifty bucks says they lose in the next hour

**Sakusa**

Duh

**Oikawa**

Is that all?

**Sakusa**

Pretty much

I'll see you guys in a week

* * *

**_  
Earlier that day…_ **

**_KNOT JUNKIES_ **

**_Gag Reflex_ ** _has added_ **_Sakusa_ ** _to the chat_

**_Gag Reflex_ **

_Welcome Omi-kun!_

**_Fleshlight_ **

_Uhhh_

_Why tf would you let an outsider into our groupchat?_

**_Mommy_ **

_Eww Atsumu_

_He’s going to see our weird chat names_

**_Sakusa_ **

_Calm down I’ve seen worse_

_Also I have a proposition to make_

**_My Little Cumslut_ **

_Thank you for asking_

_But I already have a mate_

**_Gag Reflex_ **

_Not that, you fucker_

_The alphas are having a bet_

**_Sunarin_**

_Oh this again_

**_Sweetness_ **

_What bet?_

**_Sakusa_ **

_Well Daichi and I told the others who’s pregnant_

_So the joke you guys had going is pretty much over_

**_Mommy_ **

_Sorry guys_

_I guess Daichi had a moment of weakness_

**_My Little Cumslut_ **

_Aww_

_Fuck_

_I’m going to get in trouble aren’t I?_

**_Angel_ **

_It’s alright_

_I’m pretty sure they were more stressed out that they let on_

_I kinda feel bad_

**_Mini_ **

_Well they never mentioned anything so I thought they still didn’t know_

**_Sakusa_ **

_Well we came up with a way to punish you guys, and somehow it turned into a bet to see who can last a week without having sex_

**_Breeding Kink_ **

_Abstinence requires a great deal of restraint that none of the alphas possess_

**_Sakusa_ **

_Yeah I’m not denying that_

_Which one are you?_

**_Breeding Kink_ **

_Kenma_

**_Sakusa_ **

_Breeding kink huh?_

_That makes a lot of fucking sense._

_Well your mate was the one who turned this into a bet_

_He says that if the rest of the alphas manage to last a week without intercourse they get full rights to my Porsche_

**_Gag Reflex_ **

_I still can’t believe you bet your Porsche_

**_My Little Cumslut_ **

_If they don’t last a week?_

**_Sakusa_ **

_Then I get to tweet something from Kuroo’s twitter_

_And they have to be my housekeepers for a month_

**_Breeding Kink_ **

_I’m in_

**_Mommy_ **

_Kenma wtf_

**_Breeding Kink_ **

_Kuroo has a humongous ego_

_Humility will do him some good_

**_Shrimpy_ **

_But I like sex_

_I can’t just give it up for a week_

**_Gag Reflex_ **

_Well you can always have sex_

_Except that would mean Kuroo loses_

**_Angel_ **

_I have a difficult time trying to care about Kuroo_

_I don’t see how this affects me in anyway_

**_Sakusa_ **

_Well the alphas really want a go at my Porsche_

_So idk_

_Depends on whether or not your sexual satisfaction overshadows their desire to drive my car_

**_Sweetness_ **

_That car is overrated_

**_My Little Cumslut_ **

_What do we get out of it?_

**_Sakusa_ **

_You get to tease your alphas as much as you want_

_And they won’t be allowed to touch_

**_Fleshlight_ **

_I’m in_

**_Mini_ **

_Aww I feel bad_

_That would literally be torture for Asahi_

**_Shrimpy_ **

_It sounds tempting_

_But I really love sex_

**_Breeding Kink_ **

_Omg_

_Just tough it out for a week Shoyo_

_Don’t you own a sex toy or sum?_

**_Shrimpy_ **

_It’s not as satisfying as the real thing_

**_Gag Reflex_ **

_Well the real thing is attached to an airhead so I think it’s an upgrade_

**_Shrimpy_ **

_🖕🖕_

**_Sakusa_ **

_So you guys in?_

_At the event that you and your mate do have sex, I would appreciate it if you would report back to me_

_Otherwise I wouldn’t know_

_Is that okay with y’all?_

**_Breeding Kink_ **

_Noted_

**_Fleshlight_ **

_I’m gonna look for my skirts_

_I believe there’s some teasing to be done_

**_Angel_ **

_Why are we like this?_

**_Mini_ **

_As long as there’s no sex we’re good right?_

**_Sakusa_ **

_Yep_

_And no orgasms_

**_Sweetness_ **

_Wtf no_

_Won’t do it_

**_Mommy_ **

_Aww come on_

_It’s a week, it wouldnt be that hard_

**_My Little Cumslut_ **

_Says the one who doesn’t have to participate_

**_Gag Reflex_ **

_So any objections?_

**_Sunarin_ **

_Do I even have a choice?_

**_Sakusa_ **

_No not really_

_I really want to see the others suffer_

**_Tendou_ **

_Sounds sus_

**_Sakusa_ **

_I’m not getting any younger_

**_Mommy_ **

_As the self-proclaimed head matriarch of this group chat_

_I speak for all of them so yes_

**_Sweetness_ **

_This is coercion_

**_Sakusa_ **

_Finally_

_I swear that took too long_

_Also_

_The chatnames in this gc are hella freaky_

_What do y’all even talk about?_

**_Gag Reflex_ **

_How to get away with muder_

**_Sakusa_ **

_Like the show?_

_Or how to actually get away with murder?_

**_Freckles_ **

_Yes_

**_My Little Cumslut_ **

_And sex_

_We talk a lot about sex too_

**_Sakusa_ **

_So y’all are just named after weird fetishes I assume_

**_Mommy_ **

_Hey hey_

_No kinkshaming in the chat_

**_Gag Reflex_ **

_Also you cant stay Omi-kun_

_This is a sacred space_

_Omegas only_

**_Sakusa_ **

_Fine just text me whenever you and your mate fail_

_I’ll make a mass gc for all of us_

_Just pretend to be surprised ig_

**_Gag Reflex_ **

_Okay_

_Bye_

_Love ya Omi omi_

**_Sakusa_ **

**_❤️_ **

**_Gag Reflex has removed Sakusa from the chat_ **

**_Angel_ **

_I can’t believe you would violate the group chat like that_

_He saw our horny ass chatnames_

**_Gag Reflex_ **

_It had to be done_

_It’s not like he’s going to tell the others_

**_Mommy_ **

_Idk maybe he will?_

**_Sweetness_ **

_This bet is dumb_

_It’s pointless and masochistic_

**_Suna_ **

_You can say the same thing about life_

**_Angel_ **

_I’m just gonna lie and say we didn’t have sex_

**_Mini_ **

_I don’t think I can last a week_

**_Shrimpy_ **

_I mean_

_I guess we deserve it for trying to manipulate them_

**_Gag Reflex_ **

_The entire point is to tease your alpha until they can’t function and they cave_

_Wouldn’t that be fun?_

**_My Little Cumslut_ **

_So our solution for being punished for manipulating them is to manipulate them some more?_

**_Breeding Kink_ **

_I think we need to establish that logic is something we’ve abandoned the moment we all decided to be friends_

**_Mommy_ **

_Hey but you gotta admit_

_We keep each other young_

**_Sweetness_ **

_Not you baby mama_

_Children make you age twice as fast_

_Good thing you already have gray hair_

**_Mommy_ **

_You wanna go?_

**_My Little Cumslut_ **

_What happened to no violence in the chat?_

**_Shrimpy_ **

_The baby is gonna be very disappointed with you for not using your words_

**_Mommy_ **

_Fuck you I taught you that_

**_Gag Reflex_ **

_Oml_

_Now I’m scared_

_What do you think we’re gonna look like when we’re old?_

**_Sunarin_ **

_Wrinkly_

_Saggy_

_Creaky bones_

_Bedtime at 6:30_

**_My Little Cumslut_ **

_NO_

_STOP_

**_Sweetness_ **

_Don’t be ageist_

_Aging is natural and inevitable_

**_Mini_ **

_Old people also have zero sex drive_

**_My Little Cumslut_ **

_STOP TRIGGERING MEHDHDHKWKDJ_

**_Breeding Kink_ **

_Now this just got depressing_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> ***Please let me know what your favorite line was from the fic. I’m curious


End file.
